(One
of my cousins asked me if “roaming around Northeast Arkansas” meant I was
driving around and parking in random driveways looking for free Wi-Fi to upload
my blog. Of course not—I only did that this summer when I was looking for a
place to live in Little Rock. I have some dignity, guys. I’m at my third
different house in three nights to upload my blog [and I’m being harassed by my
hostess]; I’m like the Julian Assange of Northeast Arkansas blogging. I have to
quit starting blogs with these ramblings.)
After
thinking of ways to solve the mystery of the tarp beside my house for the last
few weeks, I thought I had a breakthrough recently. I was looking at the Google
Street View of my address and realized a few things. The house didn’t look the
same as it does now, I thought. That’s because most of the images on Street
View are older. Duh. The image of our house online is from 2007. Eureka! I
could zoom in on the side of the house with the tarp and see if it was there
in 2007. If I could establish some sort of timeline, I would be closer to
solving the mystery. I felt like a detective. So I started clicking.
It
didn’t take long for me to run into problems. First, on Street View there is a
clump of bushes on the tarp-side of the house that isn’t there now. Of course,
this makes everything about the tarp more suspicious. Was the tarp, the World’s
Largest Bolt Cutters, and Whatever Else Lies Dead underneath the tarp there in
2007? The bushes would have been perfect cover for a buried body and tarp. If
so, I might be more likely to dip up the tarp. Surely bodies decompose in five
years, right? Meh, maybe I don’t want to find out. But when were the bushes cut
down?
Progress
if nothing else, I thought. All I needed to do was change the view and get a
better angle of the side of my house. I clicked down the street…and sure
enough it skipped halfway down the street, my house nowhere in sight.
Naturally I clicked back and forth for about ten minutes before deciding there
wasn’t an image available. The Mystery of the Tarp beside My House continues.
The
tarp and the badger/whistle-pig aren’t the only mysteries on my quiet street,
though. Our house sits next to an abandoned building. Geez, I know, I said I
live on a quiet residential street in downtown Little Rock—it sounds more like The Last House on Left. I spent weeks
speculating about what the building used to be. The creepiest part are the red
EXIT signs that you can see still lit up inside. The best theory I’ve read (via
Forbidden Hillcrest) is that the building houses the Dharma Initiative.
After
doing some research, I found out that it used to be a factory. There’s nothing creepier
than living by an abandoned building that used to be a factory. I’ve thought
about taking the World’s Largest Bolt Cutters and breaking into the building. Maybe
that’s what the bolt cutters are for—breaking into the factory and uncovering a
secret government project. What if the universe is trying to send me a sign?
Like my life is too boring; get a job instead of pursuing creative
endeavors.
Message
received, universe: I accepted a job at a museum. That sounds exciting. Right?
Right?!
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