Three 90s TV Shows (and One Show Enters the Defining Debate)

I’ve long debated with myself whether Saved by the Bell or Boy Meets World is the defining show of my adolescent. This is an important question, one I will address in writing someday. However, while talking with a few friends last night, a forgotten show from my childhood entered the debate: Clarissa Explains It All.

A quick synopsis of how our conversation made it to Melissa Joan Hart (xoxo). If I remember correctly, someone said, “Get it right.” For whatever reason that sparked my memory and I asked anyone if they knew where this line was from: “Now get it right or pay the price.” There was a brief pause, but it didn’t take long. (Sorry to rat you out, guys) Someone started singing from the beginning, “Camp Anawanna, we hold you in hearts…” Soon enough we were all singing along. In case you don’t have any idea what I’m talking about (and although I couldn’t blame you, I would pity your childhood), the aforementioned line is from the Nickelodeon show Salute Your Shorts.

I don’t recall much of the show now, but I do remember the theme song, the image of the boxer briefs flying from the flag pole at the end of the theme song, and the characters of “Donkeylips” and Ronnie. The show only lasted for two seasons from 1991-1992 (26 episodes), which I find surprising because I feel I like I watched it for years.

For good measure: “Think Anawanna-wanna, speak Anawanna-wanna, live Anawanna-wanna—ugh!”

I should have quit there (if you read my blog, you know I never quit when I should), but another show from the same time period is so closely tied to my memories of Salute Your Shorts that I had to bring it up to the group: Hey Dude. I think these two shows used to run back to back. Hey Dude ran for five seasons, from 1989-1991, and maybe consequently I have a few more memories of its actual plot.

My favorite character was the Ted McGriff (not to be confused with one of my favorite baseball players growing up, the “Crime Dog” Fred McGriff—dropping some classic Atlanta Braves knowledge, but I could do more: don’t make me rocking pitching coach Leo Mazzone [no one will get that joke]), that infernal troublemaker. I remember wanting to be like Ted: he crawled in and out of his window like it was the front door and he played the drums. Oddly enough, though, I never did either of those things. My most vivid memory is of the show is that Ted left fairly early on in the show and I always thought he would come back. I think he made a brief appearance later in the series. I need to do some research and solve this mystery obviously.

While we were discussing the merits of these two shows, one of my friends said the magic words, “What about Clarissa Explains It All?” My heart melted. I think I audibly sighed. Before Kelly Kapowski, and that’s hard to admit that there was anyone before her (yes, I know that chronologically I watched these shows out of order—SbtB actually came on before CEIA), there was Clarissa for me. Everything I thought I knew about girls when I was in middle and junior high school probably came from CEIA. I was the little brother, “Ferg-face.”

And what is it with people climbing in through windows during the 90s? Clarissa’s best friend Sam, who wears a Batman t-shirt the first episode and whose father is a sports writer, always climbed into her second-story bedroom with a ladder.

I will never forget that inro: the "Na, na, na-na-na, na-na-na-na, na-na”s. That black belly shirt, black skirt, pink leggings and boots outfit. “Hey, cool.” “All right, all right.” “Just do it.” Watching her write her name on the screen in pink lettering, and it’s backwards! Nothing short of a miracle.

And the way she always talked into the camera, directly at ME.

I still remember the first episode: Clarissa gets revenge on her brother for showing her training bra at Show and Tell. Risqué! I’m positive my parents didn’t approve of this. Anyway, Clarissa’s plan is to restrain her brother in a straightjacket, tie helium balloons to him, and watch him sail away. That’s television gold, folks.

While CEIA lacks the more mature side of later BMW episodes and can’t match the collective cast of characters in SbtB, it should receive serious consideration as one of the best shows watched by pre-pubescent boys during the 1990s. I wouldn’t have survived middle school without Clarissa. For that I am grateful.