I’ve long debated with myself whether Saved by the Bell or Boy
Meets World is the defining show of my adolescent. This is an
important question, one I will address in writing someday. However, while
talking with a few friends last night, a forgotten show from my childhood
entered the debate: Clarissa Explains It All.
A quick synopsis of how our conversation made it to Melissa Joan
Hart (xoxo). If I remember correctly, someone said, “Get it right.” For
whatever reason that sparked my memory and I asked anyone if they knew where
this line was from: “Now get it right or pay the price.” There was a brief
pause, but it didn’t take long. (Sorry to rat you out, guys) Someone started
singing from the beginning, “Camp Anawanna, we hold you in hearts…” Soon enough
we were all singing along. In case you don’t have any idea what I’m talking
about (and although I couldn’t blame you, I would pity your childhood), the
aforementioned line is from the Nickelodeon show Salute Your Shorts.
I don’t recall much of the show now, but I do remember the theme
song, the image of the boxer briefs flying from the flag pole at the end of the
theme song, and the characters of “Donkeylips” and Ronnie. The show only lasted
for two seasons from 1991-1992 (26 episodes), which I find surprising because I
feel I like I watched it for years.
For good measure: “Think Anawanna-wanna, speak Anawanna-wanna,
live Anawanna-wanna—ugh!”
I should have quit there (if you read my blog, you know I never
quit when I should), but another show from the same time period is so closely
tied to my memories of Salute Your Shorts that I had to bring
it up to the group: Hey Dude. I think these two shows used to
run back to back. Hey Dude ran for five seasons, from
1989-1991, and maybe consequently I have a few more memories of its actual
plot.
My favorite character was the Ted McGriff (not to be confused
with one of my favorite baseball players growing up, the “Crime Dog” Fred
McGriff—dropping some classic Atlanta Braves knowledge, but I could do more:
don’t make me rocking pitching coach Leo Mazzone [no one will get that joke]),
that infernal troublemaker. I remember wanting to be like Ted: he crawled in
and out of his window like it was the front door and he played the drums. Oddly
enough, though, I never did either of those things. My most vivid memory is of
the show is that Ted left fairly early on in the show and I always thought he
would come back. I think he made a brief appearance later in the series. I need
to do some research and solve this mystery obviously.
While we were discussing the merits of these two shows, one of
my friends said the magic words, “What about Clarissa Explains It All?” My heart melted. I think I audibly
sighed. Before Kelly Kapowski, and that’s hard to admit that there was anyone
before her (yes, I know that chronologically I watched these shows out of order—SbtB actually came on before CEIA), there was Clarissa for me.
Everything I thought I knew about girls when I was in middle and junior high
school probably came from CEIA. I was
the little brother, “Ferg-face.”
And what is it with people climbing in through windows during
the 90s? Clarissa’s best friend Sam, who wears a Batman t-shirt the first
episode and whose father is a sports writer, always climbed into her second-story
bedroom with a ladder.
I will never forget that inro: the "Na, na, na-na-na, na-na-na-na, na-na”s. That black
belly shirt, black skirt, pink leggings and boots outfit. “Hey, cool.” “All
right, all right.” “Just do it.” Watching her write her name on the screen in
pink lettering, and it’s backwards! Nothing short of a miracle.
And the
way she always talked into the camera, directly at ME.
I still
remember the first episode: Clarissa gets revenge on her brother for showing
her training bra at Show and Tell. Risqué! I’m positive my parents didn’t approve
of this. Anyway, Clarissa’s plan is to restrain her brother in a
straightjacket, tie helium balloons to him, and watch him sail away. That’s television
gold, folks.
While CEIA lacks the more mature side of later
BMW episodes and can’t match the collective
cast of characters in SbtB, it should
receive serious consideration as one of the best shows watched by pre-pubescent
boys during the 1990s. I wouldn’t have survived middle school without Clarissa.
For that I am grateful.
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