A Date with Al Davis...Or, My Inability to Get a Job

Henderson State University is the Oakland Raiders of American colleges, and I’m their Lane Kiffin. Actually, the Reddies just turned me down for a job—again—which makes this a poor analogy. But I don’t care, because obviously a B.A. in English doesn’t qualify you to examine documents—or form sound analogies, in my case. At least I made it to the face-to-face interview this time. HSU rejection notice: Graduate school applications are due soon; I’ll keep you posted.

Anyway, the interviews have been pouring in this week, which is a positive after nearly a month of applying to three jobs every day without a response. So, I didn’t have too much time to be depressed about the HSU job (which, honestly, I really wanted because graduate school would have cost me one-tenth of regular tuition), because I had an interview with the AT&T Call Center in Little Rock on Thursday. However, talking on the phone for a mandatory seven and a half hours a day isn’t exactly what I’m looking for in a job. I kind of like to communicate through writing—sometimes my social skills suffer, which is probably why I haven’t made a single friend in Arkadelphia in over a month, except for the random girls from my wife’s basketball team that she brings over once every two weeks so she can do all their homework (they really aren’t my friends either, but I like to pretend).

Friday morning though, before I make a return trip home to watch Paragould play Batesville for Homecoming (my wife’s idea), I have an interview at a bank. I wish I knew what I was interviewing for, though; when you apply for every job you can find online, it’s hard to keep track of all the details. But, being in Arkadelphia (five minutes from the apartment compared to like an hour and a half to Little Rock) and hopefully not requiring seven and a half hours of phone talk every day, I think I’d rather be some sort of banker. Or teller. Or maintenance man at the bank.

Oh, but the interviews don’t stop there. Up next, if HSU is able to block my hiring from AT&T and the bank (I sense a conspiracy here, like Al Davis refusing to pay coaches he fires, a la Kiffin and Mike Shanahan), I still have an interview with a law firm in Arkadelphia for a legal assistant opening. That’s still a week away, though. I’m sure I’ll apply to another five jobs by then.

If all that rejection isn’t enough, I’m still waiting to hear back from a writing contest that I entered last month. The results are supposed to be mailed this month. When all that fails, I’ll probably see if I can hock Dribbling Ink for a few bucks. In fact, I’ll even offer to continue writing it and let the new owner take all the girls that it attracts…yeah, it’s a magnet, fellas.