10 Things I've Learned in the First Two Months of Married Life

Because I’ve been lazy lately, and there haven’t been any random strangers wandering into the apartment, it’s time to break out another list.

Things I’ve learned since I got married:

1) I’ll eat cheese cake with strawberries on top (after years of avoiding this topping, making my mother prepare all food “plain” my entire life, my wife forced me to try it—it’s not so bad).

2) I’ll eat vegetables, namely corn not on the cob, which I’ve never liked before.

3) Supreme pizzas are actually quite tasteful.

4) Being “overqualified” for a job is actually Coachspeak—or maybe Workspeak, in this case—for “Yes, you have a degree, which does make you more formally educated than everyone else that applied; however, your degree is a B.A. in English and we’re not sure that it’s practical in any way to the business environment. Good luck serving up White Chocolate Mochas at Starbucks, hippie.”

5) Eating chicken wasn’t just a childhood fad of mine. It’s a lifetime commitment.

6) I think about food more than the average person (my wife just scanned my list and totally “agrees” with this one).

7) I’m addicted to fantasy football (insert last-place team comment here: Grr…it’s like beating a dead horse, so I’ll withstand the urge…ah!).

8) I hate being touched/glanced/kicked/poked/pinched/bear-hugged/breathed on/tickled while sleeping (my wife put it in layman terms [she’s been studying nomenclature too much]: “[your] bubble pops, with a loud noise, very easily at the slightest touch, causing mass hypertension/hyperventilating”).

9) You don’t get paid to write a blog that nobody reads.

10) “Misplacing” your wedding ring is a lot more severe than all those other things you told your mom you “misplaced” when you were little.

Edit: Quickly, a few more things I've learned: hair falls out more rapidly, frozen pizzas taste just as good (if not better) as before, "through thick and thin" translates into "helping her through Chemistry/Botany" (I tell her if the otherside of the flashcard is indeed what she said), washing dishes is a fulltime job, being OCD isn't enjoyable when you sit home all day, you can only play Madden so many times (though I'm not quite there yet), life without cable is possible, NetFlix is amazing, Clark and Lana need to end this relationship (I'm only on season 5 of Smallville, don't spoil it for me), I picked a bad time to enter the workforce, and garbage stinks if you don't take it out in time.