Dribbling Ink

Honestly, I’m uptight about a lot of things; however, usually I don’t meddle into people’s personal lives. For instance, if you want to smoke pot in your apartment room, play with Barbie Dolls, listen to Creed, play Mario 64 (like my wife), support the Obama-Biden ticket (whose ticket of “Change” is flimsier than the Razorbacks’ defense), or read Patricia Cornwell/David Baldacci/Sandra Brown, or do any other useless things like that, be my guest (I’d say more up-to-date/hip things, but I don’t have cable, so I’m out of the cultural loop). Hey, I’ve watched the first three seasons of Smallville—only two discs away from finishing the fourth season (actually, since I started writing this, we’ve watched the rest of Season 4; if anyone would like to loan Season 5 just send it to OBU Box 3047, thanks)—during my short stay in Arkadelphia; I understand how desperate a person can get for entertainment in Clark County. But…BUT, there are certain things that my fellow OBU apartment residents can ...

We all know about the Madden Cover Curse and the Sports Illustrated Cover Curse, so I’ll introduce you to the latest football curse: the Reebok Fantasy Files Curse. Apparently, Reebok went out of its way to feature some of its players in short videos, performing bizarre football tricks, to promote Reebok and fantasy football on NFL.com. However, little did they know that they were also cursing the players in the process, ruining their fantasy value. Let’s break down all the videos by position. Quarterback: Chris Simms (Ten): He can throw into garbage cans—even moving ones—but obviously he can’t hit an open receiver, because he just got back into the league, thanks to Vince Young’s breakdown. Just one Longhorn looking out for another. Hook ‘em Horns! On the bench. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVG6FFWykH4&feature=related Marc Bulger (StL): I’m surprised Bulger didn’t get sacked by a blitzing linebacker in this video—that’s the only time all year he’s thrown four consecutive passes ...

Hallelujah! And that’s not for this newest blog entry. Quick blog note: I abandoned Dribbling Ink last week because I’ve been searching desperately for a job. The honeymoon is officially over, I guess you could say. They’ve even started sending bills, ah! Also, my wife and I made a trip to Paragould this weekend and I didn’t take my laptop. Why? Because I got to watch the Razorbacks, live, moving pictures, streaming audio, Casey Dick interceptions…and now I almost understand people like “Chad” From Arkadelphia. Wait…no, I take that back. We’re still going to beat Texas; I’m just going to avoid a TV this time, because I don’t want to hear my wife’s “I Told You So” speech (Alabama predictions: 28-0, Kasa; 31-28, Jacob). (Arkansas-Alabama note: The game was so bad that, as an avid fan who hasn’t watched any sort of sports for over a month, listened to every radiocast, and defended the young Hogs to countless people [mainly my wife], I left after the first quarter to play football with my ...

Watch this before you read today’s blog: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4GwrEuULwY Pause. Deep breath. Commend yourself for your (insert degree). Now you’re ready to read. I’ve never been the kind of guy to plan out my entire life. In fact, though I am organized and a little OCD about my living quarters, my future has never been something that I’ve bothered to give much though to…so I got a B.A. degree in English. Why? Well, because it’s what I enjoy: I love to read and I love to write. Isn’t that what life is about? Finding that something you love and exploiting it for all its worth? People used to ask me—they don’t now because the only organism I mingle with, besides a iguana that runs around in the halls, is my wife –“What are you going to do with that degree?” Then they’d smirk and drum their fingers on the table, thinking Checkmate! I always cringed at this question, because I didn’t know—I still don’t know—but I always had an answer: non-traditional teaching licensure…graduate...

While listening to Sports Talk with Bo Mattingly , driving home on Arkansas Scenic 7 Byway after another unsuccessful job hunt in Hot Springs, “Chad” from Arkadelphia called into the show. Not that I have any affiliation with Arkadelphia, besides recently moving here so my wife could attend Ouachita Baptist University, but it’s always interesting when someone from “home” calls in to a radio show because it’s like they are representing the town’s opinions—maybe not so much if it’s a huge city like Chicago, New York, or even Little Rock. “Chad” had this message for Razorback fans: “Arkansas sucks! Hook ‘em Horns!” Click. Well, “Chad,” if you read this—and I hope you do (someone please direct “Chad” to this blog if you know him)—here are my thoughts: (see picture) Of course, after absorbing the message, it didn’t surprise me that someone from Arkadelphia would say that. In fact, that’s probably how 40% percent of this town feels. I say that because everywhere I have gone on the OBU...

My friend, let’s call him Jared, has a problem. It’s a simple problem: Jared has two girls in his life and he can’t decide which one he wants. Let’s call these two girls Kelly and Sarah. Kelly is hot and always has been. Sarah, on the other hand, has more subtle beauty and hasn’t always had that. But, lately, Jared has realized that he has feelings for both of them. In order to make the right decision, Jared told me the story. Jared fell in love with Kelly the first time he saw her on the playground in third grade. Long, flowing, blonde hair. Blue eyes. Always knew how to handle herself. In high school, of course, Kelly was captain of the cheerleading squad, Homecoming Queen, Prom Queen, Best Looking, Best Dressed, Best Smile, Best Legs, Biggest Flirt; the girl everyone wanted to date. However, Jared was the lucky boy who stole Kelly’s heart with a roll of SweeTarts on Valentine’s Day in fifth grade. Throughout middle school, junior high, high school, there was no doubt in Jared’s mind...

There are many advantages to living in Ouachita Baptist University’s apartments, like the fact that my wife’s scholarship leaves us with only a $93 housing bill at the end of the month (of course, without a job that still means giving up cable [see yesterday’s blog]), we conserve gas without having to commute, and OBU provides free internet (like hotels provide “free breakfast”). OBU even provides clothes washers and dryers. That is, if you don’t mind dodging traffic in the parking lot, sprinting in the rain, or trudging through mud, all while toting your dirty underwear over your shoulder to the laundry room. Even then, say you defy all odds and reach the laundry room as clean as you left, your clothes won’t. The laundry room/outhouse/dungeon is last place you’d want to wash clothes that you actually have to wear. There’s usually an inch of water on the floor—I haven’t decided if it’s from improper use of the washing machines or sewage backup— and all the apparatuses (two washers, ...

No ESPN. No college football/NFL. No cable. How does a sports fanatic reach this point? you ask...It's simple really: In August I graduated from Arkansas State University in Jonesboro, AR, with a B.A. degree in English. A week later, I got married. Now, I've moved to Arkadelphia, AR, so my wife can attend Ouachita Baptist University--where she will walk-on the basketball team--while I look for a career. Or a job. Or anything that will pay (unlike this blog). I've written or recited the above paragraph to any would-be employer so many times that it’s lost its emotional sting (of course, I wasn’t so heavy with the lamenting). Three weeks later, I still haven’t found a job. Thus, a simple recipe for a life without sports: four cups of a B.A. degree in English, mix in a pinch of marriage, chop up half a head of “small college town” and serve it with a slab of cold unemployment. When all else failed, of course, I turned to the internet. Even without cable I could read ESPN.com, ...